Four Seasons in Belgium

Whiney whiney whiney

Setiap gue mulai ngomel, Jo pasti langsung nyela gue 'whiney', sebutan (sayang?)nya buat gue. Malah, saking seringnya disebut 'tukang ngeluh', akhirnya gue menjadikan ini sebagai resolusi awal tahun 2008 : stop whining, stop complaining. (Ya ya.. gue sudah melupakan 'diet' sebagai resolusi setiap tahun... it just.. never worked!!!!)

Ngomel itu gampang. Ngeluh itu apalagi. Mengasihani diri sendiri, juga nggak susah. Ditambah menyalahkan keadaan.

Karena itu gue punya banyak 'temen'. Apalagi orang Belgia.. Kayaknya mereka nomer satu kalau disuruh ngeluh. Kalau suatu hari kamu ketemu orang belgia dan bingung memulai percakapan, pakai 3 tema yang bakal gue sebutin ini. Dijamin, omongan akan mengalir lancar dan deras.

Nomer satu, komplain tentang cuaca. Terlalu dingin, hujan terus, terlalu panas dan sebagainya.. Cuaca adalah topik perbincangan nomer satu di Belgia. Inget keyword-nya : komplain

Nomer dua, ngomel tentang pajak yang kelewat tinggi. Maka omongan akan melebar ke topik pengangguran, inflasi, social secutiry, ilegal workers, bahkan mungkin imigran dan rasisme
(kemungkinan besar, saat selesai ngobrol, kamu akan mendapat kesan kalau 'si belgia' ini adalah orang termiskin didunia, despite semua baju bermerk yang dia pakai dan fakta bahwa dia tinggal di salah satu negara terkaya di dunia dan kemungkinan besar berpendapatan puluhan ribu euro per tahun)

Nomer tiga, just talk about something bad.. apa aja deh.. Bahkan setelah gue pikir2, hal ini gak cuma berlaku buat orang belgia.. tapi semua orang. Ngomongin hal jelek, jauh lebih gampang dibanding ngomongin yang bagus.. Kasih kritik lebih gampang dari pada kasih pujian.

Kadang, kita emang perlu berkeluh kesah. Ngeluarin isi hati, stress dan tekanan. Karena kalau nggak, bisa bikin penyakit, fisik dan jiwa.. Tapi seharusnya kita jangan cuma ngomel tapi juga do something about it.

Kenapa gue ngomong gini? Karena gue lagi bete ama kolega gue. Alasannya sepele.. gara2 dia gak mau ngeset komputernya buat ngeprint bolak2. Jadi kalau dia ngeprint, pasti ngabisin berlembar2 kertas. Nah, tapi kalau cuaca panas dingin, dia juga ngeluh... Padahal apa sih susahnya ngeset kompie biar bisa print bolak-balik, ie; ngirit kertas, ie; save the trees ie; save the earth.

Ach ja... now i'm the one who started whining again..
(tapi sebagai pembelaan diri, gue udah nawarin buat ngeset kompie itu orang.. tapi dia gak mau... HUH!)

UU ITE

Ribut-ribut soal UU ITE di Indo...
Jujur aja, gue nggak tau persis isinya apa tapi gue denger banyak banget yang protes. Merasa UU ini mengancam kebebasan berekpresi kita semua. Memperkosa Freedom of Speech yang selalu diagung-agungkan.

5 tahun lalu gue pasti langsung setuju. Gue pasti ikutan ngebahas sampe bibir item dan ndomble, memaki pemerintah yang kerjaannya bikin peraturan nggak jelas. Tapi sekarang lain. Sekarang gue setuju nggak setuju sama peraturan ini (bukan sama UU ITE, tapi sama 'pembatasan berekspresi').

Tinggal di luar Indo, bikin gue lebih 'melek dengan dunia'. ketemu banyak orang. Dari bule pirang, bule kampung, negro, latino, asian, you name it. Tinggal di luar Indo, khususnya di Eropa, bikin gue suka terkaget-kaget dengan keterusterangan mereka.

Gue inget, suatu hari di Denmark, di dalam kelas berisi +/- 40 orang dari +/- 40 negara, Tutor kita menasihati 'ada hal-hal yang sebaiknya tidak perlu kita pertanyakan pada orang lain. Misalnya mempertanyakan soal puasa kepada seorang muslim'.

'Kenapa?' Tanya si Amerika. 'Bukankah kita bebas untuk bertanya?'
Well, not really. Gimana kalau seseorang mempertanyakan apa yang kamu yakini? Seolah apa yang kamu yakini itu bodoh dan salah?

Atau kalau seorang caucasian mendatangi seorang negro, dan berkata "Eh, jelek... Lu kok item bener.. Gosong gitu.. Bau lagi!"

Masihkah kebebasan berekspresi dibenarkan?

Belum lagi banyaknya anti-islam yang semakin menjadi-jadi. Karikatur Muhammad di Denmark, Film Fitna, politikus-politikus yang terang-terangan membenci Islam dan bilang Islam adalah agama yang berbahaya...
apa ini kebebasan berekspresi yang kita mau?

No. Gue nggak setuju dengan kebebasan berekspresi 100 persen.
Menurut gue, setiap kebebasan harus disertai dengan tanggung jawab, empati dan sensitivitas. Seharusnya, setiap orang berpikir dulu sebelum buka mulut: Apakah pesan yang gue sampaikan akan menyinggung banyak pihak? Apakah pesan ini akan berguna bagi banyak orang? Apa tujuan gue menyampaikan pesan ini?

Kebebasan tanpa batas, adalah kebebasan yang sesat.

Now the big question is... Siapa yang akan menerapkan batasan? Bagaimanakah batasan yang ideal itu?

Complicated.
just like life it self.

Shoot for the moon....

Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.. (Les Brown)

Gue baca kalimat ini dari buku PS. I Love You...
Dan menurut gue kalimat ini bener  banget.
Coba deh, berapa banyak dari kita yang takut bermimpi. Takut jatuh cinta. Takut ngikutin kata hati...

maju.mundur.maju.mundur... mundur...mundur...mundur.

Avoiding risk is so much easy.
If you dont go that high, you wont fall that hard.

Yep,  right.
Karena cari aman, maka kita pun berkompromi.
Waktu kuliah gak berani bantah dosen di kelas karena takut diomelin, atau dikasih nilai jelek, atau dipelototin temen sekelas gara-gara bikin acara kuliah nggak kelar-kelar (gue banget!)

Udah kerja gak berani bantah bos, takut dipecat.

Saat gaul nggak berani nolak ajakan temen karena takut dibilang gak asyik.

Kita selalu mikir kemungkinan terburuk. Bukan yang terbaik...
Padahal, kata orang nih, the worst is not as bad as you expected (normally, hehe)

Makanya kadang kita perlu nekat. Kita perlu unjuk gigi. Berani bilang apa yang kita mau. Berani bertindak dan menentukan nasib sendiri. Berani ambil keputusan.

SHOW THEM THAT WE ARE WORTH IT AND THAT WE'D SETTLE FOR NOTHING LESS THAN WE DESERVED

Tau kenapa gue ujug-ujug bersemangat gini?

Hehehe.. karena minggu ini gue nekat minta naik gaji ke bos gue. Dan hari ini permintaan gue dikabulin. Bahkan lebih dari yang gue mau. YAY!

Makanya... kalau kamu mau sesuatu. JUST.GO.FOR.IT

good luck!!!

L.U.C.K

Do you believe in luck?
Well, I do!
I've read some opinions from people who said 'there's no such thing as luck'. If you were being 'lucky', it's from all the 'good energy' that you have spent in the progress of making your dream come true. Or in other word, karma.

Well, I dont agree with this opinion. It's like telling all the unfortunate children in Afrika that they suffer because they havent done any good things. Or telling Paris Hilton she earned everything that she owned because she's a nice person who has done a lot for the world (maybe she is, but hey why couldnt I become one of the Hilton's granddaughter? I am also nice enough!)

Anyway, you might not agree with me. But that's ok!
I still believe that to live and survive in this cruel cruel world, you need 3 things. No, make it two. Luck and Hardwork.
Luck here has a broaden meaning. It can be your potention, your talent, faith,destiny, God's will... you name it. You cant deny the fact that some people get it easier than others. Some students dont need to study hard to get an A. Some get Ds even after all the night they spent studying.

Is that fair?
No, but you just have to face it.
Life is a bitch. All you can do is just try to get used to it.

So what the  hell is your point, Fanny?

Well, I dont have any point!
I guess I'm just realizing a cold hard fact that my life is full of luck. And... I'm not really proud of that.

No... Dont get me wrong...
It's not that I'm complaining. I do feel blessed for all I've got. A loving supportive family. A good education. And many other things...

It's just that... everything was so easy.
I got good grades in school without having to work so hard. After I graduated I got a good job. From the same job I met a guy who happens to be the love of my life. We got married and 9.5 months later we got a kid. And I got another job. But then I felt guilty about leaving my baby alone. So I lost the job. Then I decided to write. So I did. It finished in a few months but I left it untouched afterwards. Not until some friends asked me to try to sent it to a publisher did I even dare to have that kind of thought. So I sent it. It got approved almost right away and published a few months later!

GOSH!
I've never even wanted to be a writer!
(Although I'm considering it as a bonus. Again, I'm not complaining!)

Sometimes I feel like... I dont earned them. Sometimes I think that maybe I was a saint in my previous life so all the good deed I had done before was paid in this life --I wonder what kind of life will I get later on from all the bad deed I've done now?--But then again, I dont really believe in life after death.

And now... now I'm in a deep s**t.
I dunno whether luck has left me all alone or he'll come back to me?
Or may be this is the chance for me to prove my self.
By not just depending on luck, and start working harder...

Being Mom..

Many years ago, when I was still in school, I was in distress. I wanted everything because they were just simply important for me. Being a grade A student, popular, party-chick, active in organization, a cool girlfriend, etc. I didnt have priority, because I wanted e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

So, I was in a deep shit.

I got ill. I had to stay in hospital. I lost weight (actualy this was the best part). Some friends thought I became a junkie (because i lost sooo many kgs in such a short time). The diagnosis was: fanny is too tired and depressed.

And of course, when you were in trouble, or pain, or both, you turned to someone you knew would always be there for you. YOUR MOM.

You might forget your mom when you got the world in your hand.... but 9 out of 10.. she's the one you contacted first when you're ill, or lonely, or broke, or troubled, or broken hearted, etc.
Why? Because she's MOM. She's always there. That simple.

I remembered  then, my mom caressed my hair, stroke my back gently and wishpered to me "Oalah Fan... Mama just wants you to be happy"

When she said those words, she was in despair. I didnt know why, but I know why, NOW.

Like any other moms, she blamed her self when her baby is in trouble. She thought she did somethingwrong that made me sick, stressed, and sad. She might tought that she pushed me too hard or... something else. Somewhere along the line, she made mistake.

Well, she didnt. That's for sure.
I wish I knew then so I could tell her about it.

But now, being a mother my self.. I am able to relate with her feeling back then. I understand what she meant when she said that 'all I want is to see you happy'. Because that exactly how I feel about Alyssa.

I must admit that sometimes I am trapped in the situation where I want so much from her. Of course I want her to be smart. The smartest kid in the world. Plus cute. The cutest in the universe. Highly intelligent. Charismatic. Charming.You name it. I want to give her the world, and I want her to reach the sky.

One day in a toyshop, I had an argument with Jo over what toy to buy for Alyssa. Jo wanted to but something that according to me 'its-not-educative-enough'. In my opinion, the toy that he chose was not approved by my highly standart of toy-choosing. And then suddenly he said something that like a slap on my face: "But why does it always have to be educative? Can she just simply have fun once in a while?"

Goddamnit. He's right. This time. (Normally, I'm the one that always- let me repat, always- right.)

Seriously, they are right. Both my mom and my hubby. Deep down inside I know, that all I want is for Alyssa to be happy. To have a meaningful, joyful life. And I will count my self very blessed and succesful mother if I can help her reach that kindda life.

It's not fame. It's not money. It's not success.
It's not about being the smartest, the cutest, the best-dressed kid.

It's about being friendly to people, being nice with warm heart. It's about being open-minded and generous. It's about having integrity and self-esteem.

That will make me sooooooooooooo proud.

The same proudness that I had when I saw her shared her toys with other kids. Or when people in the daycare told me how sweet and well behaved she is. Or when I saw her tried to do everything on her own, from taking her own drink from a cartoon in the fridge to cleaning up her mess. Or when she smile and being so friendly to strangers. Or when she came home from the daycare and brought me 2 pieces of masterpieces...

I hope Alyssa knows how much I love her and how much I want her to be happy.
And how proud I am as her mom.
And I hope she knows, that I will always be there for her.

The way I know how much my mom loves me and that she's there for me...

Gosh, how i miss her now..

GeNGsi

Sebulan lebih nggak ngeblog, bikin gue napsu... hehehe
Napsu nulis lagi maksudnya!
Postingan kali ini pun sebenernya masih nyambung dengan postingan gue berjudul Jakarta oh Jakarta... (Kan postingan bersambung lagi ngetrend sekarang.. !!!)

Aniwei, sebenernya cerita di Jakarta oh Jakarta itu adalah keluh kesah gue tentang betapa pentingnya arti sebuah status di Jakarta. Cuma berhubung pas nulis gw masih rada2 jetleg, jadi nggak nyambung gitu deh!

Well, secara gue udah 2.5 tahun idup di Belgie, gue jadi punya privillege untuk melihat dan mengamati perbedaan gaya hidup masyarakat eropa (pada umumnya) dibanding dengan masyarakat asia (khususnya dalam hal ini Indo or Jkt).

Selama gue hidup di Belgie, gue udah terbiasa dengan gaya kasual masyarakat di sini, yang santai dan relax abis. Gue nggak merasakan tuntutan untuk 'tampil keren dan (terlihat) kaya', seperti di saat gue di Jakarta.

Sering, gue ngobrol dengan beberapa teman, atau membaca blog beberapa orang, dan gue suka nyengir sendiri mendapati acara obrolan atau postingan yang penuh jadi ajang pamer! Sempat gue berpikir 'Ih.. norak banget yah?' hahaha!!

Kayaknya, ada kecenderungan masyarakat Indo untuk bilang (misalnya), "Kita pergi pakai mercy-ku aja yuk" instead of "Kita pergi pakai mobil-ku" atau "Bayarnya pake gold card aja yah" instead of "aku aja yang bayar". Tentunya gak semua masyarakat Indo begini yah. Inget, gue bicara in general.. and for the record, I'm still an Indonesian my self.

In short, kebutuhan untuk diakui dan dianggap memiliki status dan kedudukan sosial yang baik itu sangat-sangat penting buat sebagian besar orang Indo. Kenapa yah? Apa karena gap yang segitu dalemnya antara si kaya dan si miskin? Atau karena budaya feodal yang masih melekat erat di darah kita? Bahwa hanya orang yang berstatus sosial lebih tinggi yang berhak mendapat pelayanan istimewa? Ah.. menyedihkan sekali.

Memang, hal seperti ini gak cuma berlaku di Indo. Pas gue di boarding room di Malaysia menunggu masuk pesawat ke Indo sebulan yang lalu, penumpang kelas bisnis pun dipersilahkan memasuki pesawat terlebih dahulu. Ini hal yang biasa. Tapi celetukan seseorang dibelakang gue bikin gue tersenyum dan berpikir lebih jauh. Dia bilang "Yah, emang kalau orang kaya, dapet perlakuan beda terus... Gimana si kaya dan si miskin gak jadi berantem terus?"

Hahaha... He's got a point!!!

Sebelumnya gue sempat mikir, betapa shallow-nya orang2 yang sangat mementingkan status, penampilan dan kekayaan diatas segalanya.. Tapi gue sekarang berpikir.. Hmm.. maybe it is really necessary. Seenggaknya jika kamu hidup di Jakarta/Indo. Kalau kamu nggak terlihat 'penting dan kaya'... maka orang akan memandang kamu sebelah mata... Mending kalau sebelah mata, lah kalau sambil merem! hahahaa

Di beberapa aspek, Jakarta emang jauh lebih glamour dan 'berkelip' di banding Belgia, yang termasuk salah satu negara terkaya dunia (kesebelas) . Lucu kalau dipikir, karena Indonesia kan negara dunia ketiga (sakit hati nggak sih?). Ironis banget yah, di negara yang katanya miskin ini, justru banyak banget kita temui orang-orang yang petantang petenteng dengan baju Dior, tas Hermes.. dll.. Bahkan gue dapat bocoran bahwa salah satu produsen tas terkemuka mengeluarkan koleksi special editionnya yang hanya berjumlah 50 buah.. Dan coba tebak, 5 dari kelimapuluh tas itu sudah dipesan oleh orang Indo.. Rumour has it, kalau harganya mencapai 2Milyar Rupiah pertas... Hohoho!!!
Mau dipake kemana yah tas semahal itu?

Bicara soal tas, benda satu ini emang bisa jadi pendongkrak status yang efektif, sampai2 di Jakarta, kita bisa temukan penyewaan tas ekslusif. Di sana, kita bisa nyewa tas2 mahal dengan harga sewa antara 135 rebu sampai 2.5 jeti perhari pertas. Jujur, gue salut buat duo wanita pengusaha persewaan tas yang jeli banget ngeliat peluang bisnis ini. Bener apa kata oom gue dulu: "Di Jakarta, apa sih yang gak bisa dibisnisin? ' :))

Tapi tetep, gue berharap, gue nggak akan pernah memerlukan jasa mereka buat menyewa tas mahal... Semoga gue bisa tetep happy dan bangga menjadi diri gue sendiri. Kalau memang kemampuan gue baru sebatas tas Esprit segede karung yang gue bawa kemana2 atau tas keluaran Mango atau Tajur... yah Why not? Iya nggak...?

Hahahaha

Jakarta oh Jakarta

Dua tahun lebih meninggalkan Jakarta, sempat membuat gue lupa akan betapa materialistisnya kota ini.
Di hari kedua gue tiba di sana, gue pergi ke Pondok Indah Mall 2 bersama keluarga. Jujur, gue sedikt kaget melihat banyak nya butik mewah di sana. Apalagi waktu gue melihat selembar kaus oblong tipis yang biasa banget seharga lebih dari setengah juta rupiah.
    Hah? katanya Indonesia lagi krisis?

Harga segitu, untuk selembar kaus yang begitu doang, sudah tergolong sangat mahal. Bahkan untuk ukuran Eropa.
Hati gue tambah ciut ngeliat beberapa anak abege yang asyik menenteng HP yang harganya pasti lebih di atas 3 juta rupiah... Gue langsung membayangkan penampilan gue hari itu yang cuma pake tshirt seharga 30 rebu (tapi lebih keren dari kaos-oblong-setengah-jeti itu), rok hitam, kalung panjang, dan sendal bali. Plus, keringet yang ngucur karena... Jakarta panas bo! hehehehe

Bohong kalau gue bilang gue nggak sedikit minder...
Gue lupa, betapa penampilan, status, dan duit sangat 'berbicara' di kota yang pernah gue diami selama hampir seperempat abad itu.
   Ah, you wont feel good if you dont look good! Ini Jakarta, Mbak!!!!

Beberapa hari kemudian, gue pergi ke PS bersama Jo untuk mencari lokasi perayaan ultah neng AL. Memasuki PS dari Sogo dengan terengah-engah dan keringat mengucur (karena taxi gue mati ac-nya dan siang itu jakarta lagi luar biasa panas dan macet), gue minta ijin Mas JO mampir ke counter Clinique buat beli bedak. 'Five minutes' jawab dia, galak.

Jadilah gue berlari-lari, masih sambil ngos-ngosan dan keringetan hinggap di counter cosmetic itu. 'Mas, mau beli bedak taburnya dong' kata gue ngebut (five minutes is five minutes, you know?), sementara jo nungguin gue sambil cemberut di depan sogo deket hagen daz. Si mas itu menatap gue dengan pandangan -wait-let-me-decide-whether-you-are-the-kind-of-person-who-can-afford-my-products-or-you-just-wanna-waste-my-time-without-buying-anything. Setelah menatap gue dari ujung rambut sampai kaki, akhirnya dia memutuskan bahwa gue cukup pantas untuk dilayani. Dengan gaya kemayu dia mulai menawarkan bermacam warna bedak plus eyeshadow dan eyeliner.. dan memoleskannya pada mata gue. Tapi aduh! Kok si mas rada2 BM yah? Duh, Mas, kalau mau molesin make up ke wajah customer.. mbok yah sikat gigi dulu dong... Akhirnya gue cepet2 kabur dan membayar bedak dengan mata kanan terpoles eyeshadow warna lilac, sementara mata kiri warna coklat... HUH!!!!

But still, dengan segala kemewahan, kekumuhan, kesremawutan, bahkan sekarang ditambah dengan ancaman gempa dan tsunami-nya.. Jakarta is still my favourite city. Jakarta adalah cinta pertama gue... Yang akan selalu gue kangenin.

See you next year, Love!

The Bad Mother vs The Perfect Mother

Akhir-akhir ini, media banyak menyorot soal mbak Britney Spears yang di sebut-sebut sebagai ibu yang tidak baik karena 'menjatuhkan' bayi nya sendiri. Lalu mereka ramai-ramai menampilkan foto si mbak Brit yang sedang menggendong anaknya dengan posisi seperti hampir jatuh..
Oh please....

Kesian bener gue ngeliat si mbak Brit itu.
Ibu mana sih yang seneng dihakimi soal caranya membesarkan anak? Lagian namanya anak, wajar lah kalau jatuh atau hampir jatuh. Di gue sendiri, udah nggak kehitung berapa kali Neng AL jatuh, kejedut, kepentok, kesandung, kejepit dan sebagainya...

Menurut gue, nggak ada seorang pun yang berhak menilai dan menghakimi cara orang tua membesarkan anaknya, kecuali badan sosial, hakim dan polisi untuk kasus-kasus tertentu. Itu pun gak boleh sembarangan dan harus jelas prosedurnya.

Pada akhirnya timbulah suatu pertanyaan.
Apakah kriteria seorang ibu/ortu  yang  baik?

Apakah yang selalu siap mendampingi dan menolong si anak? Atau justru yang tega dan rela 'melepaskan' si anak mencari jalan hidupnya sendiri?  Atau yang selalu waspada, tidak pernah lengah menjaga si anak agar terhindar dari bahaya?

Bulan lalu, gue membaca suatu artikel di majalah berjudul The Perfect Mother. Di situ ditulis pengakuan si ibu yang teramat ingin menjadi SUPERMOM. Dia selalu ada untuk anaknya. Sejak bayi, tidak pernah dia biarkan anaknya menangis sedikit saja. Dia hanya pergi keluar rumah untuk keperluan yang sangat mendesak. Semua dia curahkan untuk anaknya.

Sang bayi beranjak menjadi balita. Balita beranjak menjadi seorang gadis berumur 6 tahun. Ketika si anak masih toddler, si ibu dengan bangganya memamerkan kedekatan hubungan ibu-anak mereka. Dia tidak menyadari, bahwa dia satu-satunya ibu yang harus menunggui anaknya di playgroup atau taman bermain.

Semakin lama, mulai timbul sindrom-sindrom aneh yang dialami si kecil. Compulsive Disorder. Juga, ketergantungan si anak pada ibu semakin menjadi-jadi. Untung akhirnya si ibu menyadarai 'kesalahannya' dan membawa si anak ke psikiater.

Sang ibupun terenyak. Semua yang dia lakukan selama ini--- pengorbanan-nya, dedikasinya, didikannya--- justru menjadi bumerang. Dia mengira bahwa apa yang dilakukannya selama ini adalah 'demi memenuhi kebutuhan anak',padahal justru sebaliknya, dia memenuhi kebutuhannya sendiri. Kebutuhan dia untuk dekat dengan anak, kebutuhan dia untuk merasa dibutuhkan, kebutuhan dia untuk menghilangkan perasaan bersalahnya, kebutuhan dia untuk mengkompensasikan apa yang selama ini tidak dia dapat kan dari orang tuanya pada si anak.

Sunggu suatu pelajaran yang mahal. Tapi gue bersyukur dia mau membagi pengalamannya itu. Dia membuka mata ibu-ibu lainnya untuk menyadari bahwa kita harus mampu bersikap bijak dalam mengidentifikasi kebutuhan si anak.

Satu lagi pelajaran yang gue dapatkan dari si ibu tersebut adalah, membiarkan si anak tumbuh besar dengan merasakan berbagai emosi dan situasi berbeda. Bahwa satu-satunya cara kita mampu menghandle rasa frustasi, kesedihan dan ke sepian, adalah dengan merasakan dulu semua rasa itu. Seorang anak tidak harus melulu merasakan kenyamanan dan kemudahan dari keberadaan seorang ibu. Karena suka tidak suka, mau tidak mau... here is the bitter fact... We cant always be there for them.

Si ibu mungkin tidak berhasil menjadi supermom yang diaidamkan.. tapi at least, dia mau mengakui kesalahannya dan membuka matanya untuk merubah caranya dalam membesarkan si anak.

Di artikel lain di majalah yang sama, gantian para anak menceritakan pengalaman paling berharga mereka, yang didapat dari si ibu. Seorang anak berkata 'She thought me how to fly'. Dia bercerita betapa ibunya dengan 'tega' mengirimkan dia ke sekolah berasrama saat dia masih kecil, tidak peduli dengan segala protes si anak. Awalnya sulit buat si anak (juga si ibu) menerima keadaan dan beradaptasi pada lingkungan baru, jauh dari mama dan keluarga. Tapi akhirnya, si anak jatuh cinta, banyak belajar dan menimba pengalaman selama berada di sekolah itu. Dia bersyukur, ibunya membiarkan dia untuk 'terbang'...

Pikiran gue melayang ke nyokap gue sendiri. Beliau juga merelakan gue untuk 'terbang'. Sebagai ibu dari anak satu-satunya, tentu berat buat buatnya melepas kepergian gue ke Belgia dua setengah tahun yang lalu. Tapi beliau sadar, bahwa inilah jalan hidup yang gue pilih. Seandainya dia tidak merelakan gue untuk menjalani pilihan gue, apa jadinya gue sekarang? Mungkin gue masih di Jakarta, meratapi cinta gue yang hilang (duileh.. )...

So, I thank her  for that. I feel blessed to have her as my mom. I hope someday, Alyssa can feel the same way about me as her mother...

Because life is full of choices...

I read a glossy magazine today.
It was something that I normally do in my free time.
But unlike any other day, this time I felt a deep stabbing pain in my chest when I read a small article of a blonde-drop-dead-gorgeous-woman in her mid-30 that became a brain surgeon, who also wrote a book.

What the hell?

I thought blondes should just be pretty and dumb.
They shouldn't be able to write a book, let alone become a brain-surgeon.

Where is justice?
Some people simply have everything. I mean everything...!!!

And I thought nobody is perfect...

So I finally ditched the magazine with anger and envy. Then, I started to think why couldn't I be a brain surgeon, and a writer, and a party-goer, and a lady who lunches, and a member of the congress.

WHY?

Why I am 'only' a mum. A wife. A daughter. A niece. A granddaughter. etc.

Why couldn't I have it all?

Looking back, I should have had it. All the dreams I had created. I should have become 'someone' by now.
But, I chose not to.

I chose to ditch what I thought I wanted with something that was totally unexpected. I chose to follow my heart and my love.

So I did. And it wasn't an easy journey.

But I'm glad I did it. I 'm glad that I chose the right thing.  And if I were given the opportunity to change the past, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it any other way.

I guess I was lucky.

But then again, even if I made a wrong turn, If i made a wrong decision,  I still wouldn't be sorry. Because I believe that life is full of choices... That happiness  really lies in your hand.

It is YOU who decides whether you should be drowning in your sorrow or go out and embrace the warmth of the sun. It is YOU who decides whether to feel sorry for your self the whole day or to party like a diva. It is YOU who decides what you wanna do, what you wanna feel, what you wanna be.

In my case, I choose to be happy and healthy.. and hopefully rich!

So now I'm going to read the magazine again. But this time, I will do it with a smile on my face..
A wide smile.

Because I have decided... I have chosen to accept me the way I am. To love my self, the way I deserve to be loved and respected. Although I am not a brain surgeon. Although I am not drop-dead gorgeous. Although I am not blonde (yay!)...

I choose what I love and I love what I chose...

PS. For more story about CHOICES.. read ---no, correction, BUY-- my novel: Four Seasons in Belgium. Will be in store around summer... hihihi.. Teteup...promosiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!

Perempuan Jilid 2

Lagi lagi soal Perempuan...

Beberapa tahun yang lalu di Jakarta, media-media menayangkan sebuah iklan krim pemutih wajah terkenal.
Begini scene-nya: Si wanita menaksir seorang lelaki yang selalu dia lihat dari balik lift setiap pagi, tapi lelaki itu bahkan tidak sadar kalau perempuan tersebut exist. Beberapa minggu setelah si pere menggunakan pemutih wajah tsb, lelaki tersebut tertarik pada si wanita karena dia telihat lebih putih ... lalu mengajaknya untuk berkencan. Si wanita senyum tersipu. Bahagia.. karena berhasil merebut hati pria idaman..

Intinya, jadi perempuan harus cantik dan putih, supaya ada laki-laki yang doyan...

Bahkan, seandainya laki-laki itu adalah laki laki yang cetek dan dangkal karena cuma doyan dengan kecantikan dan keputihan si wanita.. gak papa! Si wanita tetap hepi. Yang penting dia 'laku'.

Iklan itu bikin gue gregetan banget. Segitu doang kah nilai seorang perempuan?  Harus cantik. Terlihat indah. Sempurna. Kalau perlu, gak banyak omong. Kayak benda pajangan.

Akhirnya, berapa banyak wanita jadi korban? Menghabiskan banyak uang, waktu, energi, dan menanggung resiko dan demi memenuhi standar pasar. Beli make up termahal, diet habis-habisan, menelan pil-pil pelangsing tubuh yang bikin mencret dan lemes, berolahraga mati-matian, memakai pemutih wajah yang mengandung merkuri, bahkan berbaring di meja operasi untuk prosedur bedah plastik...

Standar kecantikan pun semakin gak masuk akal. Semua berlomba-lomba pengen secantik dan seramping bintang sinetron atau model di majalah. Padahal mereka gak nyadar, kalau para bintang itu bisa tampil sempurna karena mereka menghabiskan banyak waktu, energi dan uang buat menyewa personal trainer, dietist, make-up artist,stylist, dsb. Sesuatu yang gak dipunyai orang biasa seperti kita. (Gue sih gak keberatan olahraga 3 jam tiap hari dengan personal trainer, cuma pertanyaannya, siapa yang bakal jagain alyssa, masak dan bersihiin rumah selama 3 jam itu? Terus mau dibayar pake apa itu si pelatih? Pake daun?)

Tapi terlepas dari itu semua, teteup.. yang namanya perempuan harus cantik. Sebelum menikah, perempuan harus cantik buat menarik perhatian lawan jenis. Setelah menikah, perempuan tetep harus cantik demi menyenangkan sang suami, sekaligus menjaga agar dia tidak kabur bersama perempuan lain yang lebih cantik...

AH...

Tidak ada yang pernah bilang bahwa wanita harus cantik kalau dia memang ingin terlihat cantik... Kecuali beberapa gelintir manusia.

Gue pernah bertanya pada Jo. Do you want me to always dress up for you?. He gave me a funny look. What? Then I asked again. Do you think I need to go on a diet? He said no. Then he said (in a more complete sentence), bahwa terserah gue, mau diet atau mau pake daster buluk tiap hari, atau full make up on with fancy dress... the most important thing is, I have to feel comfortable with the way I look.

So I guess I'm blessed. Hidup dalam dunia penuh tuntutan tapi at least my partner is wise enough to ease some of the pressures.

Yang juga sedikit melegakan adalah beberapa kosmetik yang mulai beriklan dengan 'baik dan benar'. Seperti Loreal dengan slogan nya 'because you worth it'. Dari dulu gue senang dengan slogan ini, karena menekankan kalau kamu mau dandan, dandanlah karena kamu mau, karena kamu ingin.. karena kamu beharga. Bukan (cuma) untuk orang lain. Juga Dove yang baru baru ini sibuk dengan campaign for real beautynya. Menggambarkan kecantikan wanita yang berbeda-beda. Tidak stereotype. Tidak harus putih, mulus, hidung mancung, bibir merah, rambut panjang, halus, lurus, kaki panjang, pinggang ramping buahdada montok.

Gue cuma bisa berharap, semoga masyarakat akan semakin bijak dalam memandang arti kecantikan dan menghargai perempuan secara lebih luas lagi. Sehingga jika Alyssa besar nanti, dia dapat tumbuh dalam lingkungan yang menghargainya sebagai individu, bukan sebagai mahkluk yang harus selalu tampil sempurna...

Perempuan

Hari Rabu kemaren, seperti biasa, gue chatting dengan temen-temen di Indonesia. Bedanya, kali ini kita nggak cuma gossip dan ngomong jorok doang, tapi kita ngebahas masalah yang lebih dalem lagi yaitu soal... SINETRON!

Eits, jangan salah! Diskusi kita kali ini lumayan berbobot. Beneran!

Bermula dari keluhan seorang teman tentang betapa nggak bermutunya sinetron Indonesia sekarang ini. Yang lebih merisaukan lagi, sinetron-sinetron tersebut bertemakan 'hidayah'. Berbau agama. Bersifat 'mendidik'. Dan sebagainya dan sebagainya.

Dari judulnya aja, gue udah merinding dengernya. 'Istri untuk suamiku', 'Surga di telapak kaki suami', (cmiiw) dst. Ceritanya lebih menyeramkan. Seorang istri yang harus merelakan dirinya untuk dimadu, sampai-sampai dia mau melamarkan wanita lain tersebut untuk si suami.

WADUH!

Gue nggak mau membahas soal halal tidaknya poligami dalam agama Islam. Gue sadar, gue bukan ahli dalam bidang ini. Ilmu  gue sangat cetek. Belum pantes ngebahas mana yang boleh dan mana yang gak boleh.

Yang gue sayangkan, kenapa masalah poligami sepertinya semakin sering digembar-gemborkan akhir-akhir ini. Dipropagandakan. Seakan, ada kesan, bahwa istri yang baik dan soleha wajib membahagiakan suaminya, dengan cara menuruti keinginan sang suami, apapun bentuknya (termasuk merelakan sang suami, untuk dibagi dengan wanita lain).

Pertanyaan gue, kenapa cuma kewajiban perempuan doang yang selalu diributkan? Kenapa selalu ada double standard antara lelaki dan perempuan? Kenapa wanita harus selalu diposisikan sebagai kaum yang kalah?

Coba kita lihat.
Kalau lelaki punya banyak pacar (atau bahkan istri), itu dianggap sebagai simbol status. Kebanggan pribadi. Jantan. Playboy. Macho.
Giliran perempuan yang punya banyak gandengan.. dibilang perek. Piala bergilir. Murahan.

Kalau lelaki bersifat ambisius dan kekeuh menggapai cita-citanya, orang akan kagum. Itu tanda lelaki yang hebat. Sementara kalau ada perempuan yang mencoba untuk fight  dan bersikap sedikit keras, nggak jarang orang akan menganggap si perempuan sebagai.. Bitchy. Nggak tau diri. Nggak tau tempatnya! Perempuan kok begitu...

Intinya, kalau mau dicap jadi perempuan baik baik itu, ya harus selalu ngalah, nrimo, manut. Ojo neka neko.

Menyedihkan.

Balik lagi ke topik awal. Soal poligami.. dan sinetron..

Apa maksudnya sih bikin sinetron begitu? Apakah untuk 'mendidik' perempuan di Indonesia supaya lebih menurut? Apa si pembuat sinetron ketakutan dengan semakin banyaknya wanita cerdas di Indo, sehingga menganggap perlu untuk membuat sinetron yang besifat membodohi seperti itu? Atau justru ini permintaan pasar? Kalau benar begitu.. menakutkan sekali...

Seorang teman yang non muslim berkata.. 'Di agamaku, posisi wanita lebih dihormati'. Dari perkataannya, bisa disimpulkan bahwa dia menganggap wanita di Islam berposisi lebih rendah daripada pria. Gue nggak bisa nyalahin dia, karena kalau kita lihat sekilas, memang begitu kelihatannya. Tapi menurut gue, bukan agamanya yang salah. Tapi manusia-manusianya. Yang menjalankan, yang mengintepretasikan, dan menelaah apa yang tertulis di kitab suci. Bahkan nggak jarang, adat istiadat ikut terbaur dan dianggap sebagai ajaran agama. Hal ini dialami oleh agama manapun, Islam, Kristen, dsb.

Yang gue ingat, saat gue menikah secara Islam 2.5 tahun yang lalu.. Gue justru merasa sangat terlindungi sebagai wanita dan istri. Gue ingat dengan jelas bagaimana kang mas JO harus terpatah-patah membaca selembar kertas HVS penuh yang intinya berjanji bahwa dia akan berusaha memenuhi kewajiban dia sebagai suami untuk menafkahi gue lahir batin, menghormati gue, dan tidak menganiaya gue.

Hmmh, berat kalau ngomongin hal yang seperti ini. Tapi untungnya, Kang Mas gue sama sekali tidak setuju untuk berpoligami. Kata dia, ngurus 2 perempuan high maintenance macem gue dan alyssa aja udah ngabis-ngabisin duit dan tenaga... gimana bisa kawin lagi! Hihihi..

GeNDuT

One question I hate most in life is : " Fan, did you gain weight?". How they ask me can be varied, but the point is still the same. Sometimes, it's even worse. Instead of asking questions, they make a statement. ' You look bigger'. Period.

At first, I hated those people. Who wouldn't anyway?
I usually became defensive and tried to say something rude, just to get back at them. Like, 'That's none of your business!' or 'Yeah, you dint look too good yourself, have you been ill?' or 'You look FAT too!'.

But now, I just feel sorry for them. I think of them as a 'not-oh-so-intelligent-people'.

Why?

*First reason is: Because of the way they focus their mind on something that is TOTALLY UNIMPORTANT. I mean, why would they care if I did gain 5 kilos for example.

*Second reason is: Because they couldn't find something more interesting to talk about. What's the matter with you people? Be creative.. Be smart... Talk about the world economy! Talk about the war in Iraq! Talk about a good book! Talk about fashion! Talk about 'perceraian gusti randa'!... Pick a topic! Read books and news papers! BROADEN YOUR VIEW!!!!

*Third reason is: They are not sensitive enough to understand that making comment about someone's weight is not appropriate (unless the weight is down, instead of up). That's why, mostly the people who asked me this were those 'JOMBLO' people (after many years of research, I'm finally able to declare my theory.. :p!). Why Jomblo? Because, who wants to be a partner from someone who doesn't know how to treat people? I recommend them to start joining 'John Robert Powers' or something... To shape up their personality!

So next time you see me (or others)... Please bring up a better subject so I (or they) wont think of you as one of the categories up there. If you cant find one.. then just simply ask 'Apa kabar?' from your heart. It'll show that you care. And everyone will appreciate your gesture. But better yet... If you see me.. ask me 'Did you LOSE your weight?'.

That will make my day!

   

A new kind of test?

Hmmm..
Like I've already told you before. This year, things started to look good. No.. Not good.. Great!

New book, new car, a trip to Indo, a trip to Madrid or Rome is also on plan, and hopefully soon a new house.

It's quite surprising, that we could manage this far in such a short period. It's still fresh on my mind how hard we struggled in the early days.. We are still struggling now.. but less!

It makes me think..

Maybe, the last couple of years was a test. To test our love... To test our strength as a human being. And may be, just maybe, God has decided that we had passed the first test. All the struggles have strengthen our relationships. Our Love. Our Bond.

And now, He decided to give us another kind of test. He gave us all kinds of blessings, easier ways to improve our live.. To see whether our bond and love are as strong as they used to be?

Will a bigger house make us less closer than we are now? Will more money creates more pressures and demands? Will all the better facilities make us forget the beautiful things of simplicity?

I surely hope not...

Hope He helps us remember!

Simple Things In Life called Pleasures

Tepat 5 hari lagi, gue akan menjadi  ibu dari seorang putri berumur 18 bulan.
Yup, Alyssa bakal berumur 1.5 tahun, soon...
She's a biiiig girl !!!

How time flies...

Banyak hal yang berubah dalam diri gue selama 1.5 tahun. Alyssa mengajarkan gue untuk melihat dunia dari sisi yang lain. Sisi yang berbeda.

Dulu, gue berpikir bahwa gue akan bahagia, kalau gue punya karir yang hebat, duit segudang, rumah di daerah elite, jadi ngetop seperti celebritis dan orang memandang gue dengan penuh kekaguman karena kesuksesan gue atau kepintaran gue atau ketajiran gue.

Sampai Alyssa datang dan membuka mata gue.

Coba kasih Alyssa sepotong kue. Dia akan tertawa lebar, berteriak 'aciii...!' -gak jelas apa maksud dia 'asyik' atau 'makasih'-
Yang jelas dia terlihat... bahagia.

Yup. Akhirnya gue pun tersadar... Buat jadi hepi itu nggak perlu susah kok! simple things in life can be treasured in so many different ways... pertanyaannya adalah gimana cara kita memandang hidup ini...

I wish I was as wise as Alyssa...

Sebelumnya, gue adalah orang yang banyak maunya, dan sangat gak sabaran. Segala hal mesti dilakukan dalam tempo yang sesingkat-singkatnya, seperti proklamasi. Semua harus sesuai schedule. Prinsip gue sama seperti judul skripsi gue dulu. It's all about efficiency and effectivity!

But Alyssa has aaaaall the time in the world!

Dia berhenti untuk mengagumi bunga yang tumbuh di sepanjang jalan saat summer. Dia berhenti untuk melihat salju jatuh di depan mukanya. Dia berhenti untuk mengelus kucing omanya yang sedang bobo di dapur. Dia berhenti untuk berdansa di depan TV bersama Madonna!

I guess that's what life is all about.

Life is too short to worry about everything. Ada saatnya kita harus berhenti sejenak, diam dan menikmati apapun yang bisa kita nikmati.

Buat gue sekarang, yang terpenting adalah menikmati masa kecil Alyssa.

To Alyssa,
If you read this one day.. Mama hopes that you know how much I love you.
There might be times when Mama forget.. to kiss you, to hug you or to play with you.
But please understand that Mama loves you so much..and please understand that Mama wont stop trying to be a better mom, a better person.. for you.

Thank you for teaching Mama so many precious lessons in life.

with love,

Mama

   

new year new dreams

The year begun with a promising happiness.

First, I had great new year parties (3 parties in 2 days) with the in laws family and relatives, involving POLE DANCING.

Yup, you got that right. I and my mother in law had some crazy pole dancing there.

On the second day of the year, I received a very surprising news that brighten up my day. Imagine waking up in the morning exhausted but then when you checked your mail you found out there was an exciting news there! Bless the technology!

I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling. I called Jo and I sms-ed my family in Jakarta. Mom said she was so proud of me. That made me feel even happier. I've always wanted to make her happy and proud of me... it's like a dream come true.

Talking about dream, I'm a person who always believe in the power of it. I once read a biography of a famous person that if you believe in your own dreams, someday you're gonna make it. And since then, I've always dream BIG.

The thing is, sometimes people doesn't really aware of what exactly do they want. I had always thought that I wanted to be a carrier woman, working in a sophisticated office, wearing some fancy suit. There were times that I felt I crashed my own dream and life when I decided to get married, have kid and be a stay home mom.

Only a couple months ago I realized something. This is exactly the way I wanted it back then, when I was still in junior high, doing BP (Bimbingan Penyuluhan). There was a question about where would I be in 5, 10 years time. And my answer was, in 5 years, I'd be graduated and start working. In 10 years time, I'd be married and have kids and stop working until my kids are old enough.

So I guess, my dreams are not shattered after all. Some of them are just shifted.

A lot of people lives on someone else's dreams. Someone else's expectancies. I did too...

I hope this new year, can be a new beginning to all of us. To start living and fighting your own dreams. I believe the key is to be truthful to yourself. Look deep inside your heart and let it tell you what she wants...

Happy 2006!!!

New Year's Resolutions

1. Diet
This was an eternal resolution for me. At least every week, I told anyone who wanted to listen to me, that I was gonna start on a diet. But of course, it always failed. But not this time!

2. Stop Smoking
If you ever read my post: go smokers go 1 and 2, you might be surprised with the fact that I ever considered to stop smoking. The thing is, last night, I had a bad coughing -sort of an asthma attack-. Then suddenly, the good side of me told the bad one,
      ' I guess it's time for you to stop. Forget the world economy. You owe it to your own daughter. If you can do it for yourself, then at least do it for her. She deserves to have a healthy mom, the one who can always be with her to support her..."
      This time, the bad fanny listened to the good fanny. And if this reason is not strong enough, then I guess nothing will. So please help me God!

3. Be a better Mom
2006 will be the last year that I can keep Alyssa in the safety of our home. In 2007, she has to start school. I have to let her go to the wild,dangerous,ugly, real world out there... (a bunch of 2.5 years old in the kindergarten can be really wild,dangerous and ugly....you know?!!). That's why, next year is the only time left for me to spoil her rotten and spend as much time as possible.

4. Be more patient and grown up.
Enough said.

That's all folk!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

i.R.i

Beberapa waktu yang lalu gue chatting dengan seorang teman lama. Kita sering bilang, kalau kita punya banyak kesamaan.

Sama-sama dibesarkan oleh single moms yang super tegar...
Sama-sama jadi ibu muda nan sexy (!)...
Sama-sama punya toddler yang cantik dan seumuran...
Sama-sama punya suami yang berbeda bangsa...
Sama-sama pernah punya karier yang 'menjanjikan'...

Pokoknya, sama banget deh!

Udah lama sebenernya gue nggak pernah ketemu dia. Sekitar 3-4 tahun kalau gak salah. Tapi karena ibu ini termasuk salah seorang yang rajin nelpon gue (bahkan pernah masakan gue gosong gara2 keasyikan ngobrol ama ini orang, huh!), jadi kita sering curhat2an dan gosip bareng.

Dan pada suatu sore, dengan melepaskan segala keangkuhan dan ego gue (ceile), gue pun bikin suatu pengakuan. Gue bilang ke dia, ' Gue iri sama elo'.

Dia balik bertanya, ' Iri? Sama gue? Why?'

So I told her, kalau gue ngiri karena dia masih bisa punya karier, sementara karir gue sudah mandeg. Terhempas. Karam.

And of course sebagai teman yang baik, dia mencoba menghibur. Segala blah... blah.. blah.. ucapan tentang betapa menjadi ibu rumah tangga adalah pekerjaan yang sangat mulia dan sulit...

She did a good job. I felt better already.

And then she told me...
' You know what? I envy you!'

Gue lupa kenapa dia ngiri sama gue. I guess it was something to do with my hubby... That I can spend more time with mine..

The thing is, it makes me think about something.

I R I

Sebuah kata yang sederhana, tapi dalem banget artinya.
Sebuah rasa yang kalau kita biarkan bisa sangat merusak.
Sebuah sifat yang dibenci sama Rasul.

Kenapa yah kita hidup nggak bisa lepas dari iri? Kenapa kita cenderung selalu ingin lebih? kenapa kita terus-terusan ngeliat ke atas? Kapan kita bisa menjadi manusia2 yang selalu berterimakasih dan menerima kondisi kita?

Ah... gue jadi iri dengan orang-orang yang selalu ingat untuk bersyukur sama yang di Atas...

balance

Weeks ago, i received an email from a penpal. This is what she told me in her letter (translated-edited version):

" How are you Fanny?
Yeah, it's tough to be a mom, especially to live so far away from the family. But I feel blessed and happy, because my hubby is very understanding. I am free to use computer. I am not good with technology and not very smart. Luckily he's very patient and always helped me, he wasnt angry too when I lost his data because I clicked the wrong button. He just asked me to learn more. I am so much more lucky than my friend who cant even use her hubby's computer. She cant even go anywhere except to the supermarket or kids' school...."

I was stunned when i read this.

For some reasons, I envy her. I envy her simplicity and her attitude to always feel blessed in her life.

Being a so-called modern woman, I always demand for more.
More freedoms, more respects, more understandings, more times, more money, more rights, more shoppings!!!!

I never feel blessed that my hubby 'allow' me to use the pc at home (beside this is our pc, we bought it together). I just feel that, its the way it should be. And I still feel the same way in many other things. That women and men are equal.

I've always thank all the amazing, extra ordinary women, like Oprah and Kartini, to make this thing happen.

But still, having read the email, i thank this wise woman. She reminds me that we need to feel blessed, in so many ways.

She taught me how to feel happy, to make the most of our life instead of always fighting for more and more..

I guess this is what I need. A balance.

Brain VS Beauty

Another crazy idea from me

Before, when I was asked if I could choose between beauty or brain, I'd hold my head high,  and said 'Brain, of course!'-with the kind of attitude that made anyone wanted to kick me-

But now, I think, I'll choose beauty.

Hey, people has the right to change their mind...

Anyway, I choose beauty because I have my own reason.
For me, beauty is more difficult to achieve than being smart. To be intellectual, you simply have to learn. Read a lot, study all night, go out, watch news, be opinionated or even perhaps, just talk about some bullshit with such a confident, people will start considering that you are a genius!

But being beautiful is not as simple is that.

If you weren't lucky enough to be born as  a ' natural beauty', then you just have to groom yourself, to get the image you've always want. And, just like I've told you before, that ain't easy.

No pain no gain, no money no honey.

Have you ever thought about all the cost you need to make you look at least 'adequate'?

And even if you do have the money, you still have to do a lot of hard works. Exercising, sweating, dieting, etc.

That, if you have the time, patient and strength to go through everything. But if you have no will, but loaded with cash, then maybe you just take the faster way... surgery, laser, macrodermabration, blah blah blah...

But it doesn't mean that it's easier to get the look that you want when you are rich. Well, may be it is, but that's not always the case. Because even when you do have money, you still have to suffer from the treatments, which for me is even scarier than the tough of having to run on a treadmill for months.

That's why I choose beauty.

Think about it. How many gorgeous women make their living, only -or at least mostly- from their looks? And it's not just a living I'm talking about. It's THE LIVING. Got it?

They seem to have a special place in this world, or must I say, a better place. People adore them, love them, envy them, welcome them..

They seem to have the right to do almost anything. Have you ever heard someone say "Oh, he's so arrogant, but yet he's ugly. Who the hell does he think he is? "

Well, OK. So ugly people cant be arrogant, but then beautiful people can?

Yeah, I think they can!

So that's why now, if someone asked me the question, I'll choose beauty.

But then again, why bother?
I'm lucky I didn't have to choose... I've got both of them: brain and beauty!!!! *** yikes!***

Tot zien!!!!

Things We Take For Granted

A few days ago, I have no hot water. It can be a big problem here, In Belgium, not to mention big cost too...
But strangely, instead of calling Jo in the office to complain and bitching about it, I just stop whatever I was doing and started to think.

Me? Thinking???!!!!
Well, eventhough it seems impossible, but it does happen... Sometimes!!! ***wink***

I realized that I always take things for granted.

When Alyssa doesn't behaving well, I got pissed so easily. Sometimes, I even missed those times where there was only ME,ME and ME...
But when I saw all the children who suffered from malnutrition, I realized how lucky I am, to have such a healthy, not to mention cute, adorable, happy baby like her!

When I was in Jakarta, I didn't spend much time with my family. I'd rather hang out with my friends, clubbing, or just went out dating guys...
Now, being so far away from them, I couldn't help but wondering, If only I could turn back time...

The real slap was 3 days ago when I heard a guy in the neighborhood just passed away. He was only 28 years old!!! It happened so suddenly, this minute he was still talking to his wife, then 10 minutes later, BANG... he was gone. As simple as that.

I didn't know this guy nor his wife personally. But you don't need to know someone, to feel the pain that the wife must have suffered from this sudden death. One thing crossed my mind... It could happen to anyone, It could happen to me!!!

I started to think harder.

As a wife, I can be very bitchy.
Correction, I can be bitchy. Period.
I push, I whine, I complain, I even yell at JO.
Yes, I can be so annoying and irritating, I dunno how he can stand me.
( Perhaps by switching off his ears? ***wink***)

Funny, how we always take things for granted, especially when it's about the people we care most. We assume that they will always be there for us. And in the back of our mind, we know, that their love is so pure and unconditional, so no matter what we do to them, they'll still love us anyway.

Well, people, They WON'T!!!
They wont be there forever...

Lets join me now, by telling them how we feel, by showering them with all the love we have, and also... BITE YOUR TONGUE next time, before you hurt their feelings again...

*** Dedicated to JO and Alyssa,
Also Mama, bule2, Oom2, Uti, Akung, Ipras, yoga, Andre, Diah,Tommy... Dan sahabat2 tersayang di Jakarta... I LOVE YOU All!!!***

Indonesiaku

Sengaja, gue nulis pos kali ini dengan bahasa sendiri, abis gue malu kalau postingan ini dibaca ama temen2 bule gue. Biarlah curhatan gue yang ini cukup dibaca ama orang2 Indo...

Tinggal jauh dari Indonesia, somehow, bikin gue tambah care ama nasib bangsa gue sendiri. Dan setiap kali ngedenger atau ngebaca berita jelek tentang Indo, bikin gue sedih, marah, kecewa, malu, takut, dsb.

Sedih, karena gue nggak bisa berbuat apa2...
Marah, karena gue sebel dengan ketololan2 segelintir orang yang bukan cuma mencemarkan nama bangsa, tapi juga bikin susah orang lain...
Kecewa, dengan pemerintah Indonesia yang lamban menangani situasi...
Malu, dengan pandangan orang luar ttg Indonesia...
Takut, mikirin orang2 yang gue sayang yang tinggal di Indo, dan harus ngadepin situasi2 nggak enak tsb, on daily basis.
May God always be with them.

Kok banyak banget yah, malapetaka yang terjadi di Indo akhir2 ini? Yang tsunami lah, yang busung lapar lah, yang flu burung lah, yang demo soal bbm lah, yang bom bali lah...
Kalau soal tsunami, kita emang gak bisa hindari, karena itu 'mother  nature' yang bicara... Tapi untuk kasus2 terakhir, seharusnya kan bisa dihindari...

Juni/Juli lalu, waktu balik ke Indo, gue kaget baget karena di sana lagi rame2nya kasus busung lapar...
Indonesia, yang selama 12 tahun gue duduk di bangku SD sampe SMA dicekokin sebagai negeri subur dan kaya raya, dengan hasil bumi berlimpah ruah... Buktinya kok masih aja ada orang kelaparan/kurang gizi? Indonesia kan bukan Afrika? Seharusnya semua orang mampu untuk mendapatkan bahan makanan yang bernutrisi... Tapi kenyataannya, banyak dijumpai kasus malnutrition, dengan foto2 yang mengenaskan yang bikin gue bertanya: Kok bisa?
Padahal, untuk hidup sehat di Indonesia, itu gampang... dan murah! Tapi saking miskin, dan juga ketidaktahuan orang tua, banyak anak menjadi korban. Dan yang bikin merinding adalah kenyataan, bahwa mereka, yang nota bene adalah generasi penerus bangsa, terancam kebodohan...
God forbid!

Terus kasus flu burung, yang bikin gue selalu was2, karena takut kalau sampe angggota keluarga gue atau sahabat2 gue  di sana tertular...
Dari sebuah harian yang gue baca, kasus flu burung udah ditemukan di Indo, berbulan-bulan sebelumnya, pada binatang. Tapi bukannya belajar dari kejadian yang dialami negara2 lain, seperti Vietnam misalnya, pemerintah malah santai2 aja dengan membiarkan (baca: bukannya memusnahkan) binatang yang jelas2 sudah terinfeksi tersebut.
Akhirnya, banyak nyawa manusia melayang dengan tragis... Dan kalau udah begini, baru semua orang jadi panik...
Oh Indonesia...

Hari minggu kemarin, tante gue ngomel lewat telpon: "Gila pemerintah sekarang! Naikin harga bbm semau2nya!"
Yang bikin dia tambah 'murka', adalah sewaktu dia ngedenger curhatan pembantunya, karena harga minyak tanah, yang dulu (kalau gak salah) 'cuma' 700 perak seliter, sekarang jadi 3200 di pedagang eceran (harga resmi 2000, tapi karena barangnya langka, jadi pedagang main naekin seenak jidatnya).
"Padahal yang beli minyak tanah kan, biasanya orang susah, Fan. Sekarang, gimana mereka mampu kalau harganya naik banyak banget begitu?", kata dia.
Gue, cuma bisa ngedengerin, tanpa bisa berkomentar apa2...

Dan weekend gue yang indah kemaren, dirusak oleh sebuah sms, yang melaporkan soal pemboman di Bali. BT banget gue dengernya. Padahal waktu terakhir gue ke Bali, gue cukup heran dan bangga dengan betapa cepatnya mereka memulihkan diri dari tragedi kasus bom pertama, terbukti dari lumayan banyaknya wisatawan asing yang berkunjung ke sana... Eh, ternyata sekarang mereka harus menghadapi kasus serupa lagi. Dan menurut gue, akan lebih sulit untuk bangkit dari kasus kedua, karena orang akan semakin menganggap bahwa Bali benar2 kawasan berbahaya. Sekarang kalau sudah begini, gimana dengan nasib orang Bali, yang banyak bergantung pada pariwisata sebagai sumber mata pencaharian?

Pemboman Bali, bikin gue bertanya-tanya. Sudah seberapa sakit kah bangsa Indonesia? Karena walaupun gue tau kalau sebagian besar dari kita mengutuk perbuatan terkeji ini, tapi nggak sedikit juga yang setuju akan ulah para teroris. it's sad, but it's true. Dan buat gue, ini jauh lebih menakutkan, dan pengecut dari para teroris sendiri. Karena justru orang2 ini yang hidup di sekitar kita, bisa jadi dia teman, tetangga, atau kolega di kantor.

Jujur, gue memang bukan muslim yang taat. Tapi, gue cukup tau bahwa dalam agama Islam, diajarkan untuk saling menghormati dan menghargai, bahkan dengan kaum yang 'berbeda'. Dulu, gue bangga sekali dengan kenyataan bahwa Indonesia, negara dengan populasi muslim terbanyak di dunia, bisa hidup damai dan berdampingan dengan penganut agama lain... Tapi sekarang gue nggak yakin, apakah hal ini akan berlangsung terus... melihat gejala yang ada sekarang.

Akhirnya gue cuma bisa berharap, semoga Tuhan selalu melindungi orang-orang terdekat gue, orang-orang yang gue cintai dengan segenap hati. Semoga, separah apapun kondisi Indonesia, mereka akan tetap selamat, sehat, dan bahagia lahir bathin. Amien...

I cry for Indonesia...

Another bombing in Bali...
Another meaningless death...
Another family lost their beloved ones...
Another tear I cried for my country...

When I first heard the US accusation that Indonesia was a terrorist's nest, I thought, Come on... That cant be right!!!
But then all the facts kept coming out, so i had to swallow my pride and finally accept, that for once(!), The US was right... 

It is, indeed, a terrorist's nest.

Maybe I was just naive. I always saw the world from behind rosy pink glasses. Or maybe I was just lucky, to always be surrounded by loving and wise people. Until I found out the truth.

It was a slap in the face. A hard one.

These idiot people, who hide behind the name of Islam, as if they got permission from every muslim to do  their mission... Well you know what? I'm a muslim, and I dont agree with them!!!

I call them idiots, because who in their right mind can think that bombing and mass killing can guarrantee them a place in heaven?

That's just pathetic.

Islam should be peaceful. No. Wait. Correction. Islam is peaceful.
And nobody has the right to judge other people, muslim or non muslim.

They've done nothing but disgrace their own religion. And this, pisses me off, because that's MY religion too!

I've got to go now, but I'll write again about this soon...

To all the mommies in the world

Funny, how such a 'little creature' can change our lifes drastically.
I mean, I used to be a party girl, self-centered bitch, and goddamned ambitious... Until Alyssa came along...

Who would have thought, that instead of reading Cosmopolitan, now I read all these parenting magazines... and even joined this mommy's club!

Being a mom has changed me drastically. And I would like to share with all of you, how I face the world now with this new title!

...Worry...
Welcome to the world full of worry!!
I get this feeling all the times! When Alyssa didn't wanna eat, I thought, maybe she's ill. When she ate too much, I was afraid that she'd puke or have stomach-ache or worse... getting too big! When she didn't wanna sleep, I got pissed, but when she slept too long, I kept on checking her, to make sure she's still breathing!
It's completely normal, yet annoying!

...A one-handed-mom...
Since Alyssa was born, I forgot that I have two hands! The thing is, my left hand is always busy, either holding Alyssa or pushing the pram! Quite frankly, I dunno how any other moms with more than one kid can manage.. and survive!!!

...You're not everything in this world anymore, She is!!! ...
If you were a spoiled brat like me, who thought that the world would stop spinning without you, then you should be thankful that once your baby was born, a new you were also born on the same day! Forget that you haven't bought yourself a new pair of jeans since last year, forget that you need to go to the spa to rejuvenate yrself, all you could think about is that little one of yours! Becareful!!! You might end up creating a new -maybe even worse- spoiled brat just like the old you!

...Proudness...
I've never been so proud before about anything in my life the way I feel now for having Alyssa... Even silly little things she does, can make me fly to the moon!!! I was a proud woman, proud with my achievements... but all those were nothing compared to what I'm feeling now. When she smiled at me, when she kissed me, when she was being friendly to other people... Even when she did something 'bad' like jumping out of the bed or begging for food from some stranger in the mall (sumpah, malu2in abes!)...

...Compromise...
Some people call it 'sacrifice', but I refuse to use that word. Yeah, I have to give up my career. Yeah, I have to stay at home all the times. Yeah, I have to wake up in the middle of the night when I prefer to stay in bed... Yeah, I cant go partying whenever I want to. But then so what? She never asked to be born.. She also gives me so much joy...

...Patience...
I thought I was the most impatient person in this world. But somehow, Alyssa has her own 'magic' that makes me melt and cant get angry with her. ( I think she has it from her Dad!)

...Strength...
I've always known that I was strong, but I didn't know that I could be that strong!!! I mean raising children is not easy, especially in my case, where I practically have to do anything on my own! (Jo is a terrific dad, but he spends most of the time working).

...The most challenging job...
When I was young (!), I underestimated these stay-home-mums. I thought what an easy life they had!!! It's such a no-brainer job!!! But then now, I realized how WRONG I was!
Before, my motto was: Work hard, party hard!!! I spent hours and hours in the office, dealing with unimaginable deadlines and unbelievable projects, but they were nothing compared to what I'm facing now!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I still wanna have a career again some day, but I just wanna tell you that motherhood is not an easy job!!! It is the most demanding, challenging, but also fulfilling job I've ever had!!!!

Go smokers, Go! 2

I've never realized that I could be inspiring to others... But I did!
Last night, a friend of mine confessed that after reading my previous post 'Go smokers, go!', he decided that he didnt need to quit smoking!

Am I a genius or what? LOL!!!!

Btw, thank you very much David, if you read this... You might be the first person who thought I was trully inspiring!

But actually, this wasnt the first time I made someone stop trying to quit smoking. Years ago, when Jo was still my friend, I made him forget his goodwill too by giving him 10 packs of Indonesian cigarettes when we were in Copenhagen. All he said was ' Fanny, I was trying to quit... ' with this hopeless face!

Oh my, I wish some cigarette company like phillip morris or something, read my blog! I mean, I defend them! I make them earn more money! They should give me some rewards!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Anyhoo people, dont get me wrong. It's not that I am telling you all to start smoking more. All I was trying to say is that people shouldnt make such a big deal about it too much.

Smokers are not criminals!!! Lets respect each other more by not just eliminating our right to smoke.

Just give us some smoking rooms and time that we deserve, and we'll be happy!!!

And when we're happy, we can still continue our contribution to make the world a better place to live, by supporting the economy!!!!!!

Thank you for your attention, Ladies and gentlemen.....

Go smokers, go!

Lately, I found non-smoking signs and anti-smoking campaigns everywhere…
Some countries even have specific laws that prohibit people to smoke in public area, including restaurants and even bars and pubs!!!

Everywhere I go , I see this signs, and even in the comfort and private place such as my own house, I still cant avoid the fact that now the whole world is turning against me –and others smokers as well- by putting so many advertisements about the risks of smoking, which are scary and disgusting.

What’s the matter with you people?

I knew, and I guess EVERY SMOKERS knew the risk of smoking…
But do you think that it really helps?

The question is, why do you governments and non-smokers hate us so much?
Why do you want to turn us into non-smokers as well?

Now, sit back and relax. Close your eyes and imagine this situation…
IF, we, all the smokers around the world agreed to just quit on smoking… imagine what will happen?

Of course, the cigarette industries will go bankrupt…

Next question is:
Where do all the people who work at Phillip Morris, BAT, Dji Sam Soe, Gudang Garam, etc have to go?
What happen to the economy of one country, and the whole wide world?
Have the government got any plans to avoid the increasing number of unemployment?
Have the government considered how much tax income that will be lost from this ?

IF they got the answers of all the questions above, I might be the first who’ll quit on smoking!

But at the moment, since I’m pretty sure that nobody can give me the right answers, I’m gonna keep on smoking and proud of it!!!!